Marriage Does Work: Staying Married

Some people will spend months and even years planning their “Dream Wedding”.  Picking the right flowers, the perfect venue, their favorite flavor of cake: and the list goes on.  Those same people stress for months about who will come, who will forget and who just simply is not going to be invited.  Then comes time to plan the honeymoon, will we select a European vacation or should we take a cruise around the Caribbean? Paris will be nice in the spring.  So many decisions have to be made….

Now the big day has come and gone…

All of your many gifts have been unpacked, you are looking at the wedding video with a heart full of joy; you’ve married the man or woman of your dreams…

Fast forward 10 years: What are you doing to make LOVE last? Are you reminding each other with sexy little notes, are you scheduling a date night once a week, are you spending quality time cuddling watching old movies? It doesn’t matter what you do to keep the flames burning as long as you do something!!!

The easy part is getting married, let’s put more focus on staying that way!

Z. Curlett Events

Photo: Pinterest 

 

 

The Proposal: Erica + Stenio

The day was October 25th, 2013; we’d just embarked on a day of fun and adventure in Montego Bay, Jamaica, visiting the beautiful island courtesy of my college friend’s destination wedding. We started our morning with an early morning breakfast and then we decided to try our hand at some water sports. First, we did a little kayaking, but under Stenio’s (mis)direction, we would have been vacationing with his family in Haiti if I’d let him continue to guide us. So, I managed to get us back on track and back to shore safely, where we then took up some water tubing and wind surfing.

After our morning of fun, we had worked up an appetite and decided to venture off the resort to the city of Montego Bay to find some authentic Jamaican food. Stenio hired us a cab driver to show us around for a few hours, and we found a small, Jamaican, family-owned place for lunch. While eating and taking in the wonder that is Jamaica, Stenio asked me, ”Would you marry me?” Though I knew he was joking, as he’s asked me the same question numerous times before, I told him yes, as I’ve told him numerous times before, and then he said we were married. I told him that I didn’t have a ring, so he made a ring out of our used straw wrapper, placed it on my ring finger, and we continued on with our day. Of course, that ring fell off.

Our driver continued our island tour, taking us through the hills to see the mansions and the slums. He also took us to an old hotel that sat atop a mountain, overlooking Montego Bay. The view was breath-taking, with the sun setting over the island. In my mind, I thought, “this would be a beautiful spot for a proposal…”

On the way back to the resort, our driver stopped so that we could do a little shopping and visit Margaritaville. While shopping, Stenio became very quiet and reserved, but I figured he was just worn out from our busy day, so I ignored him. It was a quiet ride back to the hotel and a silent walk to our room.

Before we got dressed for dinner, I decided I wanted to go sit on the beach right outside of our room for a bit, but Stenio insisted that we needed to talk. I told him I’d be back after I went to the beach, but he was adamant that I needed to come to the room right then!

When I walked into the room, Stenio was sitting on the bed. He looked up at me and asked me if I wanted to marry him. Assuming he was carrying over our conversation from lunch, I started to answer, but he continued, telling me that he loved me, and that I’d made a huge impact in his life since the day he met me. He told me that he had wanted to do “this” at our beachfront dinner scheduled for later that night, but he wanted it just to be the two of us. He didn’t want anyone else around because he wanted the moment to be about us, as our relationship was going to be between us. Catching on that he was indeed proposing, when he asked me to marry him again, he reached in his pocket and pulled out a beautiful engagement ring. Of course I said, “YES!”

The Great Debate Continues: First Look or Not

According to tradition, it is considered bad luck for the bride to be seen by the groom before the ceremony.  In days when marriages were arranged they rarely saw one another as “dating” was not a custom.

The lifting of the veil at the end of the ceremony symbolizes male dominance.  If the bride takes the initiative in lifting it, thereby presenting herself to him, she is showing more independence. 

In some Middle Eastern and Asian cultures, the veil was worn to hide the brides face completely from the groom who had never seen her. Only after they were married would the groom be allowed the lift the veil to see his new wife’s face.”

In the earliest times, some brides were even kidnapped — barely one step removed from the caveman bonking his chosen fiance over the head with a club. Marriage by purchase was quite common, where the bride was exchanged for land, political alliance, social status and/or currency. These negotiations were carried out by the parents of the bride and groom, with the “happy couple” having no say in the matter whatsoever. Indeed, the Anglo-Saxon word “wedd” meant the groom would vow to marry the woman – and that the bartered goods and/or currency would go directly to the bride’s father. Often the groom’s family informed him that he was to marry…but very rarely let him see the bride. After all, if the groom didn’t like the bride’s looks, he might not agree to the marriage. With this in mind, the father of the bride gave the bride away to the groom who then lifted the veil to see his wife of all eternity for the first time. 

In short, the wedding was little more than the purchase of a bride for breeding purposes. Not a particularly liberated point of view, but this tradition, like many other quirky wedding customs, is remembered and still symbolized today.

My personal opinion: I love the idea of the “First Look” it lends the opportunity for the bride and groom to share a few moments of intimate time prior to the start of the event.  Once the event begins until they are walking to the limo at the end of the night, there is NO ALONE time…Cameras flashing, Guests hugging and Toast after Toast after Toast (giggles) I recommend “The First Look” to my clients but ultimately leave the decision to them.  I feel it is my obligation to provide each couple with both the Pros & Cons of having the first look and then stepping back to leave the decision up to them

Z. Curlett Events